Receiving Love and Support Can Be Hard

26 weeks pregnant today and if I haven’t already said this, my pregnancy is flying by. Absolutely flying by.

Pregnancy changes: more indigestion, groin/abdomen muscle soreness, belly slowly growing more (i’m still able to fit into my low waist pants and all my shirts, but have switched over to loose, flowy pants for comfort, I had my first “vivid pregnancy” dream last night where I dreamed about my birth – it was a peaceful and beautiful dream, very much needed.


It’s become apparent that even though I made it to a final round interview for a full time job here that they will not be extending me an offer and that will work out for the best in the end, since starting a full time position right now at 6 months pregnant would be really challenging. I’ve applied and gotten a job at a local baby retail store, where I’ll get acquainted with the latest baby gear and get a discount in the process. This part time work will keep me active while I work on my at home business and prepare for the baby.


Today I released and spent a lot of time talking with one of my parents. I don’t have a close relationship with either and to spend the time I did today was a big deal for me emotionally. I shared what I’ve been going through and received encouragement. It’s hard for me to hear “You will get through this, you are strong”, especially from my family, ironically enough. I guess it’s because I’ve felt like out of all the people in my life, I’ve let them down the most, and receiving their love and support is hard for me. I don’t like letting people down. I don’t like knowing my actions have hurt people.

It’s been really difficult for me to move through my own choices knowing how they have affected my family. Boundaries have been important for me in the process of becoming my own person, as I realized that a lot of the poor choices I made in my early twenties were a backlash of trying to establish my own life after spending my energy trying to please people around me.

Figuring out how to be my own person and live the life that I desire for myself is my main journey these days. With the quickly approaching arrival of my daughter, I can’t continue to let my emotional struggles define how I live my life.

That’s the journey I’m here to share and that’s the message I want to promote. It’s ok if you’ve made mistakes, baring accidents and unforeseen illness, chances are you will wake up and be given a new day to improve.

Here are a few things I’ve learned and still digesting:


1. Take accountability for where you are in your life and love yourself

2. Don’t compare your successes and failures to anything other than the goals you’ve set for yourself

3. Be grateful for everything that you have and for the mind and heart that makes you so unique

4. If you can’t see the positive in your life, ask someone who knows you well to show you your strengths


 

14 weeks to go.

 

 

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