…the tough get going…
No, they don’t get going as in they run away. They get the ball rolling. They take action. They get stuff going.
I am coming to realize just how true this statement is. It’s really easy to run and hide, it’s really difficult to stay and work through a hardship.
My past has probably been like this: I spend 55% of my time working forward and 45% of my time running and hiding. So, if my elementary math works out, I’ve still been moving forward at least 10% of the time. The goal is to steadily increase that number.
Since the positive pregnancy test on December 3, 2015, I’ve made a lot of decisions. It would probably take me only a few moments to catalog my decisions into those categories of “running and hiding” and “moving forward”. When I look at the big picture, I see myself stronger, more calm, more emotionally balanced (believe it or not), and more at peace than I was on December 2.
Yes, I’m currently broke. This is the last year I will ever be able to use “broke” as an adjective to describe myself. My time and energy is being devoted to building a stable life for myself and my daughter. Even if it feels like a lifetime away, I know I can get to a solid place. The more I believe that, the harder I will work and the more I will push past all my obstacles and self doubts.
Yes, I’m currently single. But I won’t always be, because I trust that there is a partner out there for me, who will love me well, and love my daughter. I’ll wait for that person, because this season is about me reclaiming what I’ve given away to others without regard to my own personhood.
Yes, I’m prone to anxiety and depressive thought cycles. But they don’t have to control or cripple me. As I work to understand myself and understand the psyche and the human body, the more connectedness I discover. Everything is working together to help you stay in a state of calm, or fight or flight. Just because I established mental habits of self doubt, self hatred, and anxiety, does not mean I am bound to them. In fact, it means I have the complete ability to work through those things and come into harmony in my body, mind, and spirit.
This pregnancy has shown me that, more than I’ve ever experienced before. Learning to love and accept my changing body has been a great exercise in self love.
I encourage you that to know, digest, and feel that you are not alone or bound to your struggles.
A few blogs ago, I wrote about the importance of having a support system. I wrote about it because it’s never been a strength of mine. I’ve always run away from people whenever I feel let down instead of working through the dynamic and building a stronger relationship. Over the last few months, I’ve been working on staying even when it gets uncomfortable. You know what I’ve found? Those people have stuck around too. I wouldn’t be able to be typing this post without the support of friends and family.
Today I start a part time job…it’s at a baby store so I’ll get to learn about the best and greatest products out there right now. I’ve been lost in “baby registry” world for the past week, and will be sharing the products that I’ll be getting for my little one.
I’m still researching baby wraps/carriers. What product do you use? I’d love to know what has worked for you and your baby.
Also, any recommendations for strollers and car seats?
–From one happysinglemomma to another–