What “Becoming Mother” Feels Like

If you had asked me how many posts I made in June I would have guessed 3 or 4, but not one. Yet, I only posted once. I think about writing every day and every day there is something about my pregnancy journey or journey in my life that I want to share…I’m feeling sad that I have let those thoughts drift into forgotten memories. If they resurface, I will share.

*FIRST – thank you to my new followers for joining my journey, there will be more frequent posts, as I cannot let these precious weeks pass by without cataloging some record, and I can’t wait to get to know you and read your stories! *

Today is the last day of my 35th week of pregnancy.

My baby girl can arrive in a healthy state anywhere from 15 days from now to 28 days from now. The final countdown is beginning.

It feels like everything has changed in my soul since I started this blog in March. If I had to try to explain what has changed for me (and please comment and tell me if this is changing or did change for you as well during pregnancy ) I would say something like this:

– All of the scared, anxious, fearful young woman who felt as though her only way out of her situation was ending her own life…all of that person… has melted away and been replaced by a strong, confident woman ready to meet her child and give her best every day, no matter what that looks like.

–  I am still dealing with my former partner, and things are seemingly repairing in our very broken relationship, I will still be beginning my journey into motherhood as a single woman. My heart longs to be joined to the father of my child in marriage, but my head knows this has to progress naturally and only in a way that respects BOTH of us, that I deserve real love and also that I can’t force things to happen.


As I’m writing this morning, I’m feeling a bit scattered because it’s been SO long since I have shared my heart with you.

There is a beautiful young mother who I met through WordPress who wrote a book (that I need to purchase asap!) about becoming a mother and ALL her feelings throughout the process.

view her book here

The past week her words “becoming mother” have repeated in my head over and over. This whole journey I have been becoming a mother, but only in the last two weeks have things really solidified in my mind into a feeling of calm surrender to this path.

Of feeling beautiful in my new, expanding body – and never having felt so beautiful before.

Of feeling that even though I have no idea and no solid plan for the future it will be ok, one day at a time.

Of feeling a purpose like none other and the privilege of getting to raise a child.

Of feeling that I am deserving of real love and real respect, even if have have told myself and let myself be told by others that I don’t.

The beautiful thing about my journey is that these realizations are true for you as well. I’m not learning something that is specific to me. I’m tapping into a universal truth and where there is truth, there is strength and power.

Hear that expectant mommas. There is strength and power in the truth and when you really really absorb it, it permeates your soul, relaxes and satisfies, and changes who you are.

This pregnancy journey has been anything but easy (except the actual pregnancy, thankfully!) yet it has already changed me more in 8 months than I’ve changed put together over the last 3 years I think.


Pregnancy Updates:

  • weight gain has stayed flat for the past two weeks
  • still no stretch marks and i credit three things: staying extremely hydrated (125-200 oz water per day), genetics (must be dad’s side because my mother had them?), and my lotion:

  • baby girl’s movements are regular and strong
  • she hiccups several times a day & is still head down
  • i am not sleeping through the night anymore, i toss and turn and use the restroom frequently, but i still feel ok in the mornings
  • compression socks should have been a thing for me at 24 weeks and i JUST started wearing them last Sunday – they changed my world and I am no longer in bad pain all day at work – if you don’t have them and you are on your feet, get these:

  • i’m walking and stretching as often as I can, although I could be doing it daily, i’m about 4-5 x a week for my 30-45 min walk
  • still LOTS of indigestion

I go in on Wednesday for my 36 week OB and to take the Group B Strep test. This should be the final hoop to jump through for a totally normal natural birth. If I’m positive, I have to report to the birthing center earlier than I would if I’m negative to receive antibiotics and me and baby would have to stay 12 hours instead of 6 hours following delivery so baby can receive antibiotics. 1 in 3 women are GBS positive, and i’m anxious to know if I am or not.

I’m also in the process of moving into a new home right now and getting the nursery finally set up. My baby shower was last Saturday and it was beautiful. I felt tempted to feel sorry for myself that I wasn’t married, didn’t have ALL my friends and family around (since I still have not announced the pregnancy to everyone, and certain family members have already expressed lack of interest due to me being single and pregnant), but by focusing on what I DO have instead of what was missing, I never felt so loved and special before.

I cannot wait to meet my daughter.

 

How far along are you this week? How are you feeling? How’s life?

 

 

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